Friday, March 31, 2006

What sexy is...

In addition to my normal job, I am also a licensed and bonded sexologist, with advanced degrees in fornicology and communications. Sexual communications.

Do you know what sexy is? I do, and I will share them with you now.

*Sexy is giving your partner a deep, passionate kiss

*Unsexy is giving your partner a deep, passionate kiss.. on their nose.

*Sexy is lighting scented candles around the room and scattering rose petals on the sheets.

*Unsexy is lighting novelty fart scented candles and scattering rose stems on the sheets.

*Sexy is putting a little bit of your favorite romantic music on softly to set the mood

*Unsexy is if your favorite romantic music is a German death metal band.

*Sexy is having your partner dress up in revealing lingerie

*Unsexy is dressing up in your partner's revealing lingerie, then surprising them when they come home

*Sexy is role-playing: doctor and nurse, for example

*Unsexy is role-playing Borg and Klingon

*Sexy is tying your partner to the bedposts with satin for a little unconventional fun

*Unsexy is forgetting about them and coming back a week later.

*Sexy is gently caressing your partner's skin with your hands

*Unsexy is making a "beep" noise while squeezing their boobs.

*Sexy is talking dirty while you make love

*Unsexy is talking like a pirate while you make love

*Sexy is her bringing her best friend into bed with you...who is a fashion model.

*Unsexy is her bringing her best friend into bed with you...who is a truck driver.

*Sexy is her telling you her fantasies.

*Unsexy is you telling her your fantasies that involve rope, wall hooks and lots of mayonaisse.

*Sexy is fulfilling the other person's every desire

*Unsexy is asking "Where do I put it?" for the third time.

Now that you know the rules, go forth sexy.


At 3:13 PM, Blogger ChickyBabe said...

Sexy is role-playing Borg and Klingon as long as I'm the Borg because resitance is futile! Once you've been slapped by the Borg ... :P

At 3:39 AM, Blogger Scorpy said...

Beep ~grin~ :) may I email this arund the office?

At 4:28 AM, Blogger Fitèna said...

"Unsexy is role-playing Borg and Klingon". Who are Borg and Klingon?
Fornicology? :-)
I liked the fart scented candles cause I actually missed the "fart" and had to reread before finding out what is unsexy about it!


At 5:00 AM, Blogger chica bonita said...

sexy is going shopping with your girlfriend and pays for her stuff.

unsexy is asking the money back later.

doctor and nurse? don't we need a patient too? ;-)
but really, i can't imagine myself having threesome. hmm...

so is that rope and mayonaisse part true?

At 9:25 AM, Blogger Mahd said...

ChickyBabe, I think you're the Borg Queen, in that case :)

Scorpy, go for it- just don't blame me if you suddenly find yourself unemployed.

Fitena, You're a reminder that pop culture sometimes misses people. Borg and Klingon are Star Trek references...and that's the simplest way of putting it. Fornicology is a made-up field of study, much like my actual field of study is.

chica bonita, my wife will love you for that one.

Threesomes...hmm...I guess it depends what kind of doctor I am?

I read once that listing three unrelated things in such a way leaves it to the dirty mind of whoever is reading...but if it has to be mayonaisse, might as well have the light stuff.

At 8:34 PM, Blogger ChickyBabe said...

Chica - I would have thought you'd be the whipped cream type, not mayo! :P

Mahd - I am the Borg Queen! :)

At 12:31 AM, Blogger sheriff of nothing said...

Now what is not sexy about a truck driver hehehe!
So what are your fantasies Mahd?

At 9:05 AM, Blogger Mahd said...

ChickyBabe, I know it! I've already been assimilated by you. Wow, that sounds geekier typed out than spoken.

sheriff of nothing, I thought I might get picketed by the Sexy Truck Drivers Association!

My fantasies? think I'm going to blush now...

At 8:13 AM, Blogger chica bonita said...

chickybabe, i actually think mayo is a bit icky for my liking. whipped cream is definitely much better. ;-)

come on mahd tell us your fantasies already! it's not good to keep girls waiting for an answer. hehe

At 9:43 PM, Blogger Mahd said...

chica bonita, that's so personal. If you can guess them, I'll tell you yes or no. :P And it may even be the truth

At 6:27 AM, Blogger Justine said...

Thanks for the laff.


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