Thursday, March 02, 2006

View from a window

Is it wrong for me to watch people from my office window, looking down on those who are unconscious of my gaze? Is it wrong to wonder what they're doing outside, walking around, wondering about their lives and hopes and dreams? Is it wrong to visualize what would happen if I threw a grenade or shot a rocket launcher at them?

Of course I would never actually do such a thing. The window doesn't open so I'd have to break it, and that's just being ridiculous.

The only way I could see myself breaking the window would be to escape from a fire or something. There's a tree outside, so I guess I could leap to that and then climb down. Of course, I'm probably overestimating my jumping ability, so I'd wind up on the ground with two broken legs and everyone would have calmly exited down the fire escape because it wasn't really a conflagration, just a bit of smoke from a burned Pop Tart in the toaster.

I'm always planning for different scenarios. Like if terrorists rapelled down into our building, I have a plan to fight them off: I would hide behind the door, because they'd never expect that, and then choke them with a computer power cable. Then armed with my victim's weapon, I would systematically hunt each terrorist down until there was a final showdown with the terrorist boss, who I imagine has some kind of metal hand or eyepatch or some other distinguishing features: maybe muttonchops.

In fact, in retrospect a lot of my plans are for dealing with intruders in different places: on the plane, in the office, if I'm in bed. It's good to be prepared, because you never know when a team of paramilitary commandos is going to try and cause trouble. And their obvious target is me, of course: forget the President or someone else important, if I'm taken hostage, it's all over.

Now, if it was a team of commandos who just happened to be super hot ladies, I might have to surrender. I mean, you have to plan for every plausible situation, right?


At 6:26 PM, Blogger ChickyBabe said...

Absolutely! And you need an escape plan after you're done with them. Especially the super hot female Buccaneers, I mean ninjas, when they storm your subconsious, I mean office block, and you really must surrender, I mean run!

At 10:40 PM, Blogger chica bonita said...

omg! pop tart! i miss them. i've forgotten how good they taste.

okay, i shouldn't get side tracked at the mention of food. so, you've got everything well planned but when it comes super hot ladies - you surrender? just like that?

but in reality, if this happens to me *touch wood*, i won't know what will i do. maybe i'll just cry and scream or maybe i'll kill them instead. never under-estimate a woman's ability. :-)

p.s: chickybabe, what is buccaneers?

At 12:55 AM, Blogger Mahd said...

ChickyBabe, There's no use in resisting buccaneers, of course.

chica bonita, Pop Tarts are one of those foods that are good in theory. In practice they're a little less appealing.

Surrendering to hot ladies is never a bad idea, I think.

At 8:42 AM, Blogger Knows It All said...

I am always imagining the demise of that wrong? My favorite is to visualize them being steamrolled. However, I never imagine guts and blood, just flattening effect.

When my husband is not home, I am always looking in closets, showers, under beds, etc....since those attacking types have me on their list too. ALways have.


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