The Penis Post

Today, I will be talking about cocks. Shlongs. Willies. One-eyed-wonder-weasels. In short, the human penis. More specifically, the human male penis. Perhaps in a separate post I will discuss the female penis and why that girl you took home is no girl at all but it doesn't make you gay.

What is the human penis? Obviously, it's a funny little bit of flesh that wiggles around, and then wiggles around less and less the more you wiggle it. But you keep wiggling it, don't you, you naughty, naughty person? But what else is it? In my opinion, it is the single guiding force for civilization. Great thinkers like Aristotle and Plato had penises, as did great leaders. Alexander the Great, for example, had a penis. Napoleon had a penis. Even Hitler had a penis, and perhaps if he had used it a bit more he wouldn't have been so uptight. He certainly was a cock, though.

The penis is well-designed. It comes in three styles, circumcised, natural and picante. There are infinite variations on the penis-some are small, some are large. Some are straight and could be used to drive nails, while others curve enough that they can pee around corners. It's a simple design, but has been exceedingly popular- you never see any corkscrew or square shaped toys at the adult bookstore. It's no coincidence that skyscrapers, fast cars and monuments are phallic. The designers of those things are all basically saying "this is my surrogate penis."

There are men who have large endowments, and these men would love nothing more than to wear a tight g-string, along with a matching hat and shirt denoting their large size. They might even want to pass out flyers or little pennants to make everyone aware of their stature. Fortunately, they do not.

There are men with small penises who feel as though they've been given a raw deal, but I encourage them to look at the benifits of a small penis: it can fit into small places, for example. Additionally, you never have the problem of embarassing yourself with a large erection in public.
Women will tell you that size "doesn't matter". Women also tell men with large penises that it does. At least they're humoring one of you.

Technology, too can aid men in search of a larger penis. With just a few keystrokes, your penis can go from 3 to 7 to upwards of 13 inches in length, at least until someone demands proof, in which case there's Photoshop. This electronic penis, or "e-penis", is limited only by your imagination.

Even if the penis goes out of style, it still has plenty of uses: towel hook, for example. Or if you put marks on it with a pencil, it makes a handy ruler. With such adaptibility, it's hard to thing of a future without the mighty penis.