Monday, January 23, 2006

There are menstrual relief pills on the desk next to me.

Menstrual relief pills. Non-brand name, but "comparable to Midol!" The label also calls it "menstrual complete", as if there's a slash-rate medicine that's "menstrual partial" whose effects are less effective: you get the bloating medicine, but the cramps- that was a little more expensive, so you're stuck.

That was probably the most I've ever used "menstrual" in my life. Thank goodness. Once more and I think I would have started to grow a vagina. Which may or may not be a bad thing, because then I might actually have use for the medicine on the table.

This post is rather random in nature- I don't have anything to rail against or cry out about, so bear with me as I jump around.

I just finished a Good Book, which differentiates itself from The Good Book in that it has an editor. I have no problem with the Holy Bible, aside from the fact that people are begat-ing each other left and right and there's a lot of fluff in between the good parts. No, this was a Good Book, and in some ways there's nothing better. Who can resist the pull of that next chapter, even though it's far past your bedtime and your light is the only one in the house burning brightly? And what lingering sorrow greets you when you realize there are only a few chapters to go. We have no recourse but to move on to the next one and hope that it is as gripping as the last. Ah well.

My other thought for the day was spurred on by looking at a Chinese Horoscope. Depending on the year of your birth, you are forever assigned some kind of animal with whom you ostensibly share traits. It's a lottery and completely unfair. Just because you were born in 1983, you now must invariably be linked to a pig. Sure, they try to justify it: "Oh, the pig is a very generous and honorable creature." Well, maybe, but it's a pig. You don't have to say reassuring crap like that to people born in the year of the Dragon. They're a fucking Dragon; all you have to do is give them a high-five.

Similar in nature to this is the idea of an animal totem: a species with whom you share a number of traits. Now, just about everyone I know would want some kind of cool animal- a bear or wolf or eagle or something. Really, you just want to avoid being a prey animal. I mean, what good can you say if your animal is a muskrat or fiddler crab? Some kind of spirit guide will tell you that you don't need to have an animal that's powerful or big- each animal has it's advantages. Whoever tells you this is full of shit- you want an animal that has 3 foot claws dripping with fiery venom and razor-sharp teeth and possibly a rocket launcher.

The reality of the situation is that the idea of a totem animal is utterly stupid: It's not like you'll be walking through a forest and come upon a grey squirrel (your totem animal) and your gazes will lock for a moment before he gives you a wise and knowing nod and then all the squirrels of the forest will emerge from the brush to pay homage to you. No, you'll be walking through the forest and the squirrel will lock gazes with you and then bound the fuck away because you're a human. Therefore, the totem animal is really just there to impress your friends, and you're not impressing them when you tell them your soul is bound to the bluejay.

Me? My soul is bound to menstrual relief pills.


At 6:20 PM, Blogger ChickyBabe said...

Umm...methinks Mahd needs a different kind of pills. Would you like some of mine? Only too happy to share... ;)

At 6:32 PM, Blogger Knows It All said...

Keeping menstrual medicine in plain view is simply akin to a warning flag. Heed the warning. Tears, irrational reaction to benign comments, tantrums, and overall whininess bound to occur.

I always have some female product in my purse, since someone always needs one, and the minute you need one, the last thing you want to do is bum one from someone. But, I love catching people glimpse into my eternally gaping purse and spy a tampon. If it bugs them, then that's what they get for looking.

I need a new good book. I can't seem to find anything these days. Plus, Netflix is my new best friend and I can't fit it books when I am catching up on all my movies that I missed. Damn life is so hard.

But speaking of good books AND horoscopes, last week in the bookstore, we saw a book called something like "Things No Man Over 30 Should DO" and I read a few. One was "read any form of horoscope". But you are not 30 yet, right?

As for animal spirits, I am, without a doubt, a cow.

At 11:17 AM, Blogger kangaroogrrrl said...

Am I the only person who is now insanely curious as to what this Good Book is?

Actually, don't tell me - I'm not sleeping enough as it is, so I definitely don't need a book to keep me up at night as well as the insomnia...

At 10:44 PM, Blogger sheriff of nothing said...

Just thank your lucky stars you don't have a NEED to take the pills to get rid of the pain!!!

At 8:53 PM, Blogger chica bonita said...

period pain can be horrendous and it makes you go into frenzy retail therapy without using the brain. hohoho! and i have a sanitary pad, 2 tampons and one pantyliner in each of my bag. smaller ones only get a tampon. okay, too much info but i'm forever grateful i always carry them around.


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