Thank you cards-

Remember when I updated this thing? Yeah, that was cool. I'm not sure what my problem is- despite being busy at work, in the process of getting a Big Ol' (tm) loan for the new house and being woken up every morning by the Murdercat, I still have a decent amount of time on my hands. It may simply be the ebb and flow of my interest, which is my bane.

A couple notes- first, I added the word verification on comments. At first I thought I could do something funny with the spammers, but they're just kind of annoying. So, fuck em. Second, I'm going to try and do the november novel writing thingee- NaNoWriMo, as it is called. I'm going to be off in Hawaii for half the month working 12-18 hour days, so we'll just see how well that works. If I try and fail, then as Homer Simpson says, the lesson is to never try.

On to the matter at hand.

When the wife and I celebrated our anniversary, there were actually a few people who went out and got us an anniversary card. That's a nice gesture- much more so than saying, "Happy anniversary, dude" when you remind someone that it's been a year. As a whole, I don't expect people to remember my anniversary. For me, it's the celebration of the beginning of a new life with a person who I'm in love with. For them, it was that party where they got really drunk. So hey, no biggie. Remember my birthday and I'll remember yours and we're fine.

However, once we received those cards, then the onus was upon us to return a gracious and well-worded reply. This, I have no problem with- unfortunately, it's expected that this response is delivered on a colorful card. Now, maybe this was the norm back in the 18th century, but both language and technology have outpaced the antiquated process. If I were to attempt to write a letter in the style of the time, it might be something like the following (You can add the British accent if you feel like it- I know I do):

"My Dearest Grandmother,

It is with a glad heart that I am writing you this day. I am presently most pleased with the lovely and thoughtful gift which you presented to me not a fortnight past, on my birthday. I must say, at first I approached the gold-and-lace package with some trepadition, for I was greatly aggrieved that you were not aware of my birthday wishes. However, as the wrapping fell away my heart was gladdened as I discovered the iPod Nano within.

P.S. Sister died of dysentery yesterday.

Yours,
Mahd"

Now it may seem like a lovely letter, but keep in mind that with any good celebration, there may be a larger number of these. Our wedding nearly killed me. There's only so many times you can thank people with the same platitudes, not to mention the time investment. It may have been great fun to write them back in the days before flush toilets and refrigeration, but I have the Internet and other things that are more important time-wasters.

So what is the alternative? An e-mail or, heaven forfend, an IM? No, even my bitter and blackened heart is not so cold as to be that impersonal. There is, however, a nice invention that one Alexander Graham Bell made called the phone. In fact, I'm fairly certain that when he invented it he was looking for a solution to writing interminable Thank-You cards. I can see him now, sitting in his parlor, thinking of a synonym for "generous" and suddenly stumbling onto an idea that would allow a person to get the same message across in seconds.

Think of it- you're always getting bothered to call your friends and relatives anyways, so why not kill two birds with one stone? As a bonus, if the call gets too awkward, you can just end it whereas you can't end a card halfway through. "Hi mom, thanks for the card. Anyways, I've got to be going. Later." I'm telling you- he phone is the answer.

I better end before this before the thank you card consortium comes after me.