Friday, May 27, 2005

Pejoratives and you: A fucking guide, goddamn it. (AKA "The swearing post")

From time to time, I re-read my own posts. I do this because I'm a narcissist, but also to review my own writing. In doing this, I discover three things about my posts.

1. I need an editor. It's obvious now that I like to "twist the knife", so to speak. I just drag out the posts needlessly with my reckless attempts at humor.

2. I'm not that funny. I think I am, and indeed, I smirk to myself when I write these posts. I have an interesting thing where I tend to be funny on accident rather than when I'm trying. It's unfortunate, then, that I really try when I write these entries

3. I've been swearing a lot in my recent entries. There's nothing wrong with that, and I believe good, hardy sailor-esque euphemism can really put the exclamation point on a thought. It particularly helps my posts, where the issues are hard-hitting things like ninjas and traffic. Look out, Sundae toppings, you're my next target. I mean, chocolate and rainbow sprinkles? What the fuck? (You'll notice that had more impact than if I said "What the hey?")

Swearing is what makes America great. We practically won both World Wars by calling the enemy "rat fink bastards". And it's so versatile- You can call one person a "cuntmonkey" and the next an "assmonkey". Who knows how many other "-monkey" predicated insults there are? Even our great heroes swore:

George Washington- "Martha, would it kill you to have the slaves do the dishes every once in a while, for fuck's sake?"

Abraham Lincoln- "OW! Son of a bit..."

Charles Lindbergh- "How long is this goddamned flight going to take?"

Neil Armstrong- "HOLY MOTHERFUCKING CHRIST, WE'RE ON THE MOON! SWEET JESUS!"

So, gentle readers, you can see that swearing is not just for the rich and famous, we all can do it and profit. Maybe not monetarily, maybe not spiritually or in any measurable way- but somehow.

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