Sunday, July 10, 2005

A year- and what a year it's been.

On July 12, 2004, I got the bright idea to make a blog. I remember it like it was 363 days ago- I was in my office, bored from a lack of work.

I never intended for it to come to this- a year of searching for (and recycling shamelessly) topics, of experimenting with weird blog plug-ins and of realizing how edifying it is to do something for yourself, but even more edifying to have people really enjoy it. I never realized I was such a glory hound until this blog came along, and I've accepted it.

Some fun year anniversary facts for Milk-TSK:
  • Of the over 500 people who have visited the blog, the main reasons people have immediately hit the "back" button on their browser fall into these three categories;

1- Did a search for "drunk stripping whores" (320 responses)

2- Believe that the government is using school milk to hypnotize our kids (105 responses)

3- Will read anything (50 responses)

  • Weather and illness are the most common topics of Milk- everything else is a close second, except David Hasslehoff, who has never been featured.
  • In early 2005, Mahd subtly changed the blog's focus from humorous looks at everyday things to radical neo-Naziism.

Now, let's take a look at the month-by-month synopsis of the posts over the last year:

Jul 2004- Introduction, weather, illness

Aug 2004 - The famous "drunk stripping whores" blog that lures horny people to their untimely end

Sept 2004- "Story time", a series of horribly randomly generated stories. Lesson- never write stories based on random tables. Also, never ever be serious. The entire "Story time" collection will be out on DVD later this year, or 15 VHS casettes.

Oct 2004 - In the build-up to the presidental election, Mahd tries to exhort the American populace to take an interest in their communities and make a difference. Okay, just kidding: I wrote some random crap to mask the fact I didn't have anything to write about.

Nov 2004 - Post-election wrap-up, with obligatory Lincoln quote. In a nod to the Simpsons, Mahd uses the tactic of talking about how crappy the blog is, thereby diffusing any criticism about how crappy the blog is.

Dec 2004 - The "San Diego sunshine" weather post. Also, I think I made fun of fatties, which isn't very nice.

Jan 2005 -Mar 2005 - No blogs. Like Batman, Mahd was in a Central Asian prison, training to fight for justice. Also, he forgot about the blog. Look, I was busy, ok? I just needed some time to think and get my life together. It's in the past, so let's drop it. I did eventually write an entry about crazy Internet people, or somesuch. Just get off my back, man.

Apr 2005 - As springtime came upon us, I wrote a blog about getting outdoors. Then I think I played an outdoor simulator.

May 2005- A month that will become known as "Anno Mahd Prolifico". Topics ranged from swearing to writing novels. In the latter, I complained about how hard it was to write a novel; ironically, this month's word total equalled War & Peace.

June 2005 - My sweet and loving tribute to my wife. That post got me some ass, I think. Some other stuff in this month, too, but it's kind of tertiary after that one.

July 2005- Among a mediocre July 4th post and some rambling diatribe about animals, the critically acclaimed "Anniversary" post touched the hearts and minds of a nation. That nation is Eritria, and since they don't speak English, it doesn't count for much.

So what do Milk fans have to look forward to in the future? Let's take a look into the crystal ball:

- All the weather and disease related posts you love and can't live without

- "Return of Story Time", in which I create stories based entirely off of a set of "erotic" refrigerator magnet words.

- Whatever other crap I can pull out of my ass.

In conclusion, it's been a great year, except for my unexplained absence for three months. I look forward to worsening my carpel tunnel syndrome to entertain my phantom audience, and I hope that you'll remember my slogan- "You can't spell '' without a fuckload of letters"

See you next time!


At 3:18 AM, Blogger ChickyBabe said...

Happy Bloggaversary! With a summation like this, I shall be perusing the archives for some interesting stories...


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