Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Monsters in the bed

For a few months now, my legs and feet have been relentlessly attacked by voracious invaders who are slowly devouring my body. I've not seen these creatures- they make no discernable noise and their movements are invisible. I am not imagining them, though- my feet and legs bear the dreadful scars of their attacks.

I've tried to determine what dreadful creatures must be waging their nightly war on me. It's been difficult, but I think that my detective work has paid off.

I was able to immediately discount pixies, boggarts, faeries and bogies- those sort are more interested in playing pranks and mischief than outright damage. If they had been involved, I could expect my legs to be turned into flower stalks or brooms, and only some reward or offering would satiate them. To be sure, I left out a plate of brownies for those devilish hobgoblins, but the only evidence of tampering there were crumbs strewn around my wife's sleeping body.

I next suspected a terrible giant- perhaps a cyclops, minotaur or titan. Certainly one of those enormous creatures would need the ample sustainence my calves would provide. Aha, I thought, this will be easy, for they are so large that they cannot escape my search. I checked the bed and the drawers and the sinks and the closet (twice), but alas, they were not there.

For each monster I checked it's most likely hiding place- The troll under my bed said that there was nobody else there; the phoenix had long ago flown into the window; The dragon in the corner was benevolent, and assured me that she had no machinations on my person. To be sure, I checked my wife's reflection in the mirror to verify that no, she was not a doppleganger or vampire.

I even made sure there wasn't a bunyip or two being transferred from my Australian blogger friends (without their knowledge, of course).

I am at a loss as to what kind of animal could be doing this to me. The two puncture wounds, the itchy, puffy redness that fades after a day- none of these things point to any creature that I know. I am certain of one thing, however; it is the most terrifying monster of them all.


At 10:24 AM, Blogger chica bonita said...

err... bed bugs?

At 3:00 AM, Blogger ChickyBabe said...

There can be only one explanation: it was a ChickyBabe!

At 6:55 AM, Blogger Mahd said...

chica bonita, yikes! I hope not. I don't live in a dirt-walled shabby hut.

ChickyBabe, my wife has two questions for you:
1. What are you doing in our bed?

2. Why are you biting Mahd's legs?

At 3:14 AM, Blogger ChickyBabe said...

err....*blushes severely*

Dear Mrs Mahd

1. Inspiring him to write a witty post on his blog.
2. Because he kicked me!!


At 6:52 AM, Blogger Mahd said...

ChickyBabe, no worries. She makes fun of me all the time for talking about you when I'm simply discussing who said what on the blog.


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