Tuesday, August 03, 2004

Damn you laziness

What is it about our personalities that makes us lazy? And when I say "us", I mean "me". I don't think of myself as a lazy person, really. I keep a clean house, I cook dinner and I graduated college in four years. And yet when I come up with an idea that is so brilliant, so guaranteed to make money, I will quickly endeavor to fulfill that goal, letting nothing stand in my way.

Until the second or third day, usually.

I'm not sure why this is. It doesn't always happen. I dropped about 25 lbs a few months ago, and that required some willpower on my part- it's hard to not eat things that are especially delicious, but I did it.

I'm beginning to think it's because I attempt things that are relatively insurmountable in everyday life. I love games, for example, and I'm constantly thinking of new games. I excitedly write up half of a rulebook for the game, and then the project falls to the floor, unknown and unloved. Oh, I may make a halfhearted attempt to resurrect it's corpse, but it's like a puppet dancing- it will never be a real boy, so why even try?

It could also be an addictive behavior. We all know that drug addicts know that they need to stop, but they're still out there, injecting and snorting and God knows what else. Smokers cling to their cigarettes as if they were tiny pieces of flotsam, puffing and huffing and thinking of that old lady with the hole in her neck. Likewise, I am addicted to doing things really half-assed. Where's my 12-step program? Where's my DTRH-A Anonymous redeemable chit? There are more of us out here than you know. I imagine that the automobile would have been invented in the 18th century, but Ben Franklin was too busy with those French ladies.

Join with me, brothers and sisters and transgendered and hermaphrodite and asexual half-asseders. Proclaim your laziness to the world. Only then can we truly stand up, raise our fists in defiance, and then plop down on the couch again in exhaustion looking for some good cartoons.

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